hope

I love Peter. The reason I like Peter so much is that when I read about him in the New Testament I am greatly encouraged. Here's what I mean: Peter was a brash, arrogant, loud-mouthed, impetuous man who has a hard time figuring out what it means to follow Christ. I know some would say, "Ah, but wasn't it Peter who said that Jesus was the Christ, the Son of the living God?" That's true, but even then he didn't really get it. Immediately following Peter's amazing revelation, Jesus took his disciples aside and began telling them about his impending death and resurrection. Peter takes it upon himself to pull Jesus aside and say, "Jesus, let me help you out here. I think I need to correct your theology. You're the Messiah. You're not going to die. You need to stop saying that." In response, Jesus looks at this man who had received an amazing revelation from God concerning Jesus' true identity, and calls him the devil...I feel much better about myself now, thank you.

The thing about Peter is that there were things inside of him that either he couldn't see or he didn't want to see (maybe both). For example, just before Jesus' arrest and subsequent crucifixion, Peter made a bold promise to Jesus. He said, "Jesus, I don't know about all these other losers, but I promise you that I'll follow you all the way to death! You can count on me, Jesus!" Jesus looked at Peter and said, "Peter, you're not even going to make it through the night. You'll deny that you know me three times before this night is over." And Peter, in his arrogance, argued with Jesus, "No. I know you're the Messiah and all, but you've got this one wrong. I'll die for you!"

Fast forward a few hours. Jesus has now been arrested and is in the process of being railroaded by the religious rulers of the day, and one by one, three people recognize Peter as one of His followers. Fearing for his own life, Peter did exactly what Jesus said he would do...he denied Jesus three times before the night was over.This man, who had boasted about his unending loyalty to Jesus, was forced to face the reality that there was something very dark and cowardly inside of him. It was an excruciatingly painful moment. He ran out and wept in the bitter realization that he wasn't who he thought he was.

I've been there. I've been in that place where I was forced to recognize something hideous in my heart that I vigorously denied existed and desperately wanted to ignore. There have been many moments where I have been forced to face my prejudices, my unforgiveness, my arrogance, my stubbornness, and my idolatry. I have been forced to face the reality that I was not who I thought I was. In those moments, my response has been much like Peter's - great sorrow and despair. I've lived in that moment of unbelievable shame at what I had just done. I've walked through the valley where I was certain there was no way God could love me. Peter was there. I've been there. You probably have been, too.

The beautiful thing about Peter's story is that it didn't end there. In the midst of his sorrow and shame, Jesus still loved Peter. In fact, He completely restored His relationship with him after the resurrection. He wasn't caught off guard by Peter's shortcomings, and He isn't surprised by mine. Jesus didn't wait for Peter to get his act together before he loved him and that gives me great hope. I know there are still blind spots in my life where I think I have it all together, but the reality is something very different. One of my prayers is for courage...courage to face the things inside of me that I don't want to know about. It may be painful, but it's the only way to find real freedom.